Dr Mario's Medical Adventures
by Kojay
Summary: Dr. Mario goes on some crazy adventures, medical adventures!
1. The pH balance of saliva

I have decided to skip the whole rough drafting thing for this one, so this is a pure impromptu fanfic, with near non stop comic antics. So welcome to Dr. Mario's medical adventures.-

Dr. Mario's Medical Adventure: The pH balance of saliva.

Dr. Mario was sitting on a hospital bed waiting for something to do. "Well I need to look for something to do." He said. He stood up and looked outside. "Oh look a bald man made of sugar!" He spit a huge gob of spit on to the sugar man's large bald head.

"HOLY CRAP I'M MELTING!" the sugar man screamed.

"Oh…my…gosh…" Dr. Mario walked into the main lobby. "I just killed a man made out of sugar, with my spit of doom!" He walked up to Peach who was being a part-time nurse when she wasn't cooking, golfing, or playing tennis. "Nurse Peach, I was wondering, what is the pH balance of spit?"

"Uh…um… I don't know…" Peach stammered.

"If you don't know… then no one knows! I could find out and win the Noble Prize!" Dr. Mario ran out of the lobby.

"Uh, the pH balance of spit is about the same as water…" Mewtwo said.

"When did you become a doctor Mewtwo?" Peach asked.

"I'm… a nurse…"

Outside Dr. Mario was unsuccessfully trying to collect spit from random pedestrians. He walked by a random hobo. "Hey can I have a sample of your spit?" Dr. Mario said holding out a cup.

"Um-yup sure doc…" he held out a cup full of yellow liquid. "I keep this incase of unscheduled tests… I think its spit… or something…"

"Yay! Spit sample!" Dr. Mario raised the cup above his head. He ran back to the hospital.

"I guess I better be safe and check my samples." the hobo looked through his medical samples. "Uh-oh, I just dun gave that Doc my last urine sample, better make sum ore."

Dr. Mario ran into the medical testing lab. "We just cured the common cold!" Mewtwo and Ness chimed.

"Eh, whatever." Dr. Mario erased all of the notes in the lab and got rid of all of the samples that were there to make room for his research.

"You Idiot! We work for months on that!" Ness yelled.

"THIS," He said pointing to the sample, "is more important."

"That's just a sample of p…" Mewtwo said getting cut off.

"…Yes, yes, the pH balance of spit research." Dr. Mario said slamming the door. After working for hours on end he finally discover the pH balance of the test sample. "I have done it! I know the pH balance of spit!" He walked out into the main lobby. "Nurse Peach the pH balance of spit is one."

"Uh no it's not. It's about seven. Besides that's not even spit, it's pee." Mewtwo examined the container. "No it's not even pee; it's a highly dangerous acid."

"No, it's spit!" Dr. Mario yelled. The two glared each other an where about to attack.

"Guys, guys, before you horribly mutilate and dismember each other, we have an emergency." Peach interrupted. "The sugar man that was scheduled to restock the hospitals insulin supply has gone missing and the patients are becoming sick."

"Uh… can't we just find the insulin he was carrying?" Dr. Mario asked nervously.

"No… he was the insulin's main ingredient!" Peach replied

"Oh crap."

-Yes, I know that was short, but hey some times short and sweet is good. What will happen to all the diabetic patients who depend on that medication? Can Dr. Mario save them, or will Mewtwo have to save him? Find out in chapter two: Diabetic Dilemma.


	2. Diabetic Dilemma

I am back with chapter 2. Already? Yes. And I would like to take this time to respond to my reviewers. Razzkat, how was there a man made out of sugar you ask? Simple, when two sugar people love each other very much they make a serious decision, they call the sugar cane farmers and ask for a son, and each year for a birthday present they buy a bag of sugar and the sugar boy gets bigger, and then becomes a man. Next! Tealfrog26 I am Kojay the miracle maker at your service. Next! Blazing Fool, you weren't the first reviewer, razzkat was, and you should get your brain looked at, it shouldn't be all 'splody like that. (p.s. have fun at school tomorrow while I'm still chillin'!) Next! Loke Groundrunner, yes, yes, the spit pee thing, yeah well… Next! Eternal Smasher, yes it is quite alright isn't it? Ok, on to the fic. Chapter two is coming at ya.-

Dr. Mario's Medical Adventures 2: Diabetic Dilemma

"So I have to go find some sugar, or I'm fried?" Dr. Mario asked.

"Yes, I probed your mind and found you to be responsible for the death of the sugar man, so I want you to get the sugar for the insulin." Mewtwo replied.

"But you're just a nurse; I don't have to listen to you." Dr. Mario stuck out his tongue.

"Ah, yes, but I can A, fry your brain with my mind, or B, brain wash Peach and make her go out with Luigi." Mewtwo grinned

"Fine, fine, I'll go just if I fail don't…"

"I know, I know don't brain wash Peach." Mewtwo interrupted.

"No! Don't fry my brain!" Dr. Mario said running out of the hospital. "Now where to find sugar…" Dr. Mario saw a little boy holding white bags on a street corner. "Hmm… naw that ain't sugar, but maybe that guy over there…" Mario walked up to a man in a dark trench coat and hat. "You sellin' sugar?"

"Hello Doc! Does you 'member me?" The man said taking off his trench coat.

"Oh you're the nice man who helped me with the spit the other day… yesterday…"

"Yeah, I decided to do sum-in-els with my life, so now I be selling baking goods."

"I'd like about five pounds of pure sugar please." Dr. Mario said handing the man a dollar.

"Ok, but it no charge at all, you help me come what I am now."

"Um ok…" Dr. Mario said walking back to the hospital. "Now to get this ready for all the sick patients. I better get to the lab now ASAP!" Mario ran to the lab. There was writing on all the chalkboards and samples in the test-tubes again. "Hey I need room!" Dr. Mario erased all of the stuff and emptied all of the tubes.

"Are you as dumb as a Wobbuffet?" Mewtwo screamed. "We just finished finding the cure all forms of STD's!"

"Oh… sorry, well I have the sugar and need room." Dr. Mario pushed Mewtwo and Ness out of the lab. "Now, to the insulin." After an hour the full supply of insulin was made. "Well nurse Peach, I have the medicine, now medicate!" He handed the insulin to Peach.

"Well Mario, I didn't think you had it in you but you came through." Mewtwo smiled.

"MARIO!" Peach screamed. "All of the patients passed out! What did you do?"

"I made insulin."

"This bag has baking soda in it not sugar!." Mewtwo discovered.

"Hey every body, we feel fine!" one of the patients said.

Peach ran a quick test on the patients. "They don't have diabetes anymore!"

"No we don't, and we have muscles and hammers." another patient said.

"Team Hammer & Arm away!" all of patients said flying out of the window.

"Wow, I cured them and gave them hammers, and even super powers!" Dr. Mario beamed.

"Uh, well two of the three anyways." Ness said pointing to the patients on the ground outside.

"Eh, they were sugar people anyways." Dr. Mario shrugged.

"Sugar people with diabetes?" Mewtwo pondered.

"We have more pressing matters boys; we have a new rehab patient. He was caught on the side of the road, and he's just a boy…" Peach said, just a little bit worried. "And Mario, I want you to go to rehab and visit all of the children ok?"

"Ok"

-Well that was chapter two I hope you enjoyed. Tune in tomorrow for chapter three: Rehab Requiem.


	3. Rehab Requiem

Ok it is time for chapter three. Already Again? Yes. And once more I would like to take time to respond to the reviewers. Eternal Smasher, yes they suck as super heroes, they died when they tried to fly out the window, and again pretty alright isn't it? Next! Loke Groundrunner, yes I know it was another good job; Dr. Mario always does his best at work. Next! Blazing Fool, I understand man; school made you a slow reviewer, that's why I'm happy not to have to go back yet. Ok done. Only Three reviewers, how sad, but at least I have some avid readers. Ok now for the story.-

Dr. Mario's Medical Adventures 3: Rehab Requiem

Dr. Mario started running towards the hospital exit.

"Oh no you don't!" Peach said grabbing Dr. Mario's collar. "You have to visit the rehab children today!"

"Peach, Peach I know. I am going to do something special, I just need to get some people first." Dr. Mario said.

"Well… ok…" Peach said letting him go.

Dr. Mario met Luigi in the hospitals parking lot. "We have to go find to more for our barber shop quartet." Dr. Mario bumped into someone selling Girl Scout cookies. "oops, sorry miss."

"Miss, who ya callin' miss ya wise guy?" The man said turning around. "Oh, 'scuse me Doc."

"No way…" Dr. Mario said shocked to see the same man that was once a hobo and then once a baking good seller, now selling Girl Scout cookies. "What are you doing?"

"Well Doc, I 'sided dat I didn't wanna sell baking goods. I now am a Den Mother for the Smash City Girl Scout group." The man said.

"Ok then… can you tell me which way to find Wario?" Dr. Mario asked.

"Uh ya… Werio lives ova ther." The man said pointing to Rainbow Cruise Apartments.

"Ok thanks. Come on Luigi." Dr. Mario walked into the apartment building. He went to the sixth floor. "Room 665, room 667…so that means their room is right here in the middle…" He walked through the wall that was between 665 and 667. "Luigi you say here, I'll be right back."

"Ok Mario…" Luigi said looking around him.

"Wario! Waluigi!" Dr. Mario called. "I need you help."

"What can we do ya for?" Wario asked with an evil grin.

"Remember when you were Dr. Wario? And you had the Anti-Hospital that made Anti-Pills to destroy the Anti-Viruses?" Dr. Mario asked.

"Uh, I remember beginning a doctor, but I did what you did, I had pills to destroy viruses, not all that anti crap you were saying." Wario glared.

"Yeah sure, you helping people…"

"Really I was a doctor. Besides I wasn't in it for long, just to make the unlockable mini-game."

"Sure."

In the mist of their squabbling Luigi was sitting on the floor out side of the room. A dark doctor like figure came out of room 667. "Mario? Is that you?"

"No you green understudy fool. I am Dr. Anti-Mario! Wahahahaha!" the figure said.

Wario, Dr. Mario, and Waluigi walked out of the wall. "Well our quartet is ready wake up Luigi." Dr. Mario said.

"Wha… uh…….?" Luigi said getting up sleepily.

The four mustachioed men ran to the hospital in their barber shop quartet outfits. "Peach we're here" Dr. Mario called running into the rehab unit.

"Good we were about to call the search party." Peach laughed.

"Ehem. _WhEn LiFe HaS gOt YoU dOwN…"_ Dr. Mario began to sing.

"End knowbuddies a-rund…" Wario continued.

"**YOU JEST GATTA**…" Waluigi screamed.

"Smmmmiiiiiiiiiilllllllleeeee………" Luigi squealed.

"You suck!" The newest rehab patent yelled in the middle of the song.

"He's right…" Wario sighed.

"I should examine this… Dr. Mario away!" Dr. Mario ran to the lab. "Not again..."

Dr. Mario erased all of the notes in the lab.

"You frickin idiot!" Mewtwo fumed. "Oh well it was just world peace, we'll help you out today Mario."

Three hours later… they had discovered that each of the mustachioed men just couldn't sing and there was nothing they could do. "Oh well, I better go do something else for the 'habs." Dr. Mario ran to the rehab unit.

"Mario you beat up the rehab patients!" Peach yelled as Dr. Mario walked in.

"What?"

"You came in wearing an all black doctors garb and pretended to be a magician. Then you beat all the kids up!" Peach's face turned beet red.

"No." Luigi said. "It was Dr. Anti-Mario. I saw him come out of room 667 in the Rainbow Cruise Apartment building."

"Oh yeah him, he hates you more then I do." Wario smiled. "He's the one that has a Anti-Hospital, with Anti-Pills, for Anti-Viruses."

"Evil Twin…" Ness said

"Shoot."

- Well that was chapter three hope you like. Come back tomorrow for chapter four: Good Doc, Bad Doc.


	4. Good Doc, Bad Doc

Ok time for chapter four. ALREADY? YES QUIT ASKIN' THAT! Any ways, time to respond to m reviewers. First up Razzkat, ok now that you can't keep up I have to do my first super duper double review reply! Ok, on chap.2: yes I clear up every thing! Even Acne! Yes Mewtwo is a funny nurse. On chap.3: Yes Mario and crew singing is great. Next! Eternal Smasher, Yes that rehab boy is funny, and who told you Mario could walk through walls? Lies, LIES! Next! RoyalFanatic, yes no one seems to care about world peace, and I have a acronym for you, PETA, People everywhere totallyoveruse acronyms! Just say Laughing My Ass Off next time. Thank you. Next! Blazing Fool, Yes, you are correct, except when you are wrong, but if you are right about being wrong, you can also be wrong about being right… POTATOE… and that's a wrap. On to the story then!-

Dr. Mario's Medical Adventures 4: Good Doc, Bad Doc.

"I have an evil adversary… That looks like me… I wonder if he has a goatee…" Dr. Mario pondered.

"Nah I think he has a scar…" Mewtwo replied to his ponder.

"Or maybe a scar goatee combo…"Ness added.

"Or his hair is parted to the opposite side of yours." Peach said.

"Or maybe you should all stop watching Star Trek." Dr. Anti-Mario (DAM) said walking to the room

"Hey what's up?" Wario said to DAM

"Hey Neighbor! Nothing much, everything's great." DAM said back.

"Remember back in high school before you legally had your name changed?" Waluigi laughed.

"How can I forget, I was know as Dr. Anti-Mario Neville, but everyone just called me Damn, oh well I have graduated, and I want to defeat my enemy, Dr. Mario." DAM said lifting his fist.

"Ok lets go." Dr. Mario said standing up. They fought, but every time Dr. Mario punched DAM punched Dr. Mario's hand, and every time Dr. Mario kicked DAM kicked his foot. "I'll try my pills." But when Dr. Mario threw a pill DAM threw one of his own. "Wait…" Dr. Mario said rubbing his chin. "I'll use the Biggorons Sword!" He grabbed the Biggorons Sword and started slashing DAM. DAM fell to his knees.

"MARIO!" Link came busting through the door. "That's mine!" He grabbed the sword from Dr. Mario.

"Oh well, but DAM is still alive. I'll just use the Gilded Sword!" Dr. Mario grabbed the Gilded Sword.

"No!" Young Link grabbed the sword from Dr. Mario. "And this one is mine! How do you keep getting our swords?"

"Dunno. I guess I'll have to use…"

"Don't even think about it." Roy interrupted.

"Oh well…" Dr. Mario shrugged

"I will destroy you!" DAM was up and grabbed Dr. Mario's neck.

"Ah no ya dun't." A man was behind DAM and had a Tazer. "I'll stop ya." He zapped DAM and knocked him out.

"T-Thank you…" Dr. Mario said rubbing his neck, "hey are you…"

"Yup Doc I is. I were the man wit da medical samples, the bakin' good cellar, and the Den Momma. Now I is a bounty hunter." The man said.

"Do you have a name?" Dr. Mario asked.

"I am Mr. Bo." The man, named Mr. Bo, said.

"Do you have a first name?" Dr. Mario asked.

"Ho." Mr. Bo said. "My name is Ho Bo."

"That's a name just destined for greatness…" Ness rolled his eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

-Well that was chapter 4 sorry it was short, and probably the worst so far. I am getting a job soon (shutters) so I may not be able to update as often (as in not every single day). Sorry. Also I am sorry that I can not disclose anything about the next exiting chapter. Peace out.


	5. What The Hell

Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, anything related to it, or my own soul for my soul belongs to school… damn…

Sorry I haven't updated in over a month, school controls my life, and the fact that I now have dial up makes submitting a fan fic a 47.289 hour process, life sucks. Well maybe my life doesn't suck, but my computer access does. Boo hoo…I also heard was can't respond of reviews in our stories? But I love to do that. WHY!

Any ways here's Doctor Mario's Medical Adventures #5: What the Hell?

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Peach screamed pointing at the door.

"I don't know." Mario said taking off his doctor garb. "But I'll defeat it."

A large dark cylinder figure with what looked a party hat busted through the front door. "It's ALIVE!" the party hat said. But when the figure came into the light, it was really an extra large tub of Marth's special hair gel and the 'party hat' was really Marth! "Guess what guys, I made my hair gel come to life!"

"Oh god… Marth…" Roy said shaking his head. "How the hell did you do this… and can you do the same thing to my hair spray?"

"Yes I am your god, and I did it like this." Marth raised his hand and began to chant.

"You're not my god; my god is Blazing F…." Roy got cut off as a large bolt of lightning came down and hit Marth's hair gel returning it to normal size. "How did you… when did you… what?"

"Yes I know my power is astounding. You thought I was a little wuss that could only use girly moves, but Huh HA!" Marth lifted his hair gel in the air.

"Hey this is my story." Mario walked over to the squabbling heroes. "You know your tiara looks funny Marth… did something happen to it…?" Mario smiled hoping to make Marth cry.

"Well yes… I think…" Marth's mind wandered off.

"Doc! I kno whu I wanna dun nex!" Ho Bo said valiantly "I gunna b a har sul-on person! I'll mek milleons! Thun I kin git sum o' them speeeking less-ons!"

"Well you do that," Peach said, "I'm gonna go watch that new Disney movie."

"That one with the witches that like as been on every other night? What is it called….?" Marth thought forgetting about his tiara thing.

Mario regained his composure after several full body _Twitches_, "I don't know but it was a pretty good movie…"

Luigi and Wario were fighting over Mario's doctor garb. "I want to be a doctor!" Luigi cried, "You have been a doctor before, I haven't!"

"So what! Whoever wears this becomes the star!" Wario said pulling with all of his strength.

"But you've stared in over seven video games." Luigi said pulling as hard as he could, "I've only stared in two!"

The garb ripped in half.

Group GASP 

What will happen to the story, will Marth make Roy some super hair gel, and why is this so short…. Find out…. Later….. Now to review. MeeheeheeheeHaaa! I'm so evil… To Eternal Smasher: Sword of Seals eh? I used that once… Tensega is like so way better… and actually it was a long, harsh, bloody, battle with all sorts or dismemberment, death, and many unpleasant things… I just paraphrased and shortened it so I didn't have to write five hundred and fifty-two point one pages of an epic battlistic battle between good and evil, so to save your time and mine, it was shortened. NEXT, razzkat: eh… longer… what is this word which is beyond my comprehension? Anyways, I took a long time and still got the same results… actually I took and hour today to type it, I just haven't had the kind of time I used to. And don't call my chapters ugly, they have feelings too. And Yes… Ho Bo is da "man" which you speak of. NEXT, RoyalFanatic: What is with you people and quantity? What about the quality? Moving on, Ho Bo is interesting just like _Bo Bo Bo-Bo- Bo Bo Bo…_ He is now becoming a hair salon person; will he make his dream of speaking correctly come true? _Only Time Will Tell_… hee hee hee…. NEEHEXT! Blazing Fool: … don't agree with them…. sniff I thought we were friends… and yes… we'll see….. Heh heh. NEXT and LASTLY Tealfrog26: Are you trying to control me? Are YOU trying to control me? Well you can't. Neh Neh! Isn't' it funny that can all you have to ad is a 't? Did you have to add a n't? If can't was like that we'd all be saying "I ca do it!" Ok good bye until next time!


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